Iron Bonehead Triggers Witchhunt by Portland Maoists

Article contributed to Death Metal Underground by Seth Berg.

It seems the Portland neoliberals weren’t content with indoctrinating gullible college students into their pseudoscientific belief system and badgering people for triggering them, since anyone who’s anyone has had to contrive some sort of PTSD in the past five years to keep with the trends.

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When the Fear of Nazi Monsters Ruins Music Appreciation

Ever since the rise of leftist politicization of metal, there has been rising hysteria over a secret Nazi fifth column lurking within the metal community, ready to spring out of the shadows and attempt a world takeover. This is due to the effects of the corrupt mainstream media portraying everyone opposed to their Marxist agenda such as President Donald Trump, reincarnation of Hitler with the majority of America seeing through their psychotic imagined orange Fuhrer. But for the millions of citizens that will buy into whatever the mainstream sells them, including the scenesters of indie rock, this narrative maddens them to the point of belief that the entire Republican/Libertarian/Conservative movement is the spiritual sequel to the Axis Powers. This is immaculately articulated in a review buried deep within scenester shill blog No Clean Singing’s attempt to set the world record for “most metal bands reviewed ever.”

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Bestial Evil Paying to Play with Angelcorpse

Social justice warrior deathcore band Bestial Evil are one of the seven openers for Angelcorpse at a pay to play show in Washington, DC tonight. Yes this is the same Bestial Evil you think it is, the antifascist and antiracist and probably Black Lives Matter supporting deathcore band whose antics and temper tantrums have been covered on Death Metal Underground Past. This time Bestial Evil, despite their antifascist stance, are opening for Angelcorpse. The bassist and vocalist of Angelcorpse is none other than Order From Chaos front man, existential social Darwinist and author of The Conqueror Manifesto Pete Helmkamp.

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MetalSucks Editor Publishes Love of Nazism

Article contributed to Death Metal Underground by Cullen Toner.

Longtime MetalSucks editor and self-proclaimed snowflake Emperor Rhombus released a 1,256 word editorial professing his love for Nazi culture and aesthetics on the site’s apparently unregulated front page. The move was seen as an obvious reach to the NatSoc community as MetalSucks attempts to appease the young users of the glowingly popular 4chan image boards by creating articles to reflect the national socialist posts on /pol. The article was immediately praised by the legions of anti-Semites that frequent the site’s comment’s section as they proclaiming their support of the site’s newfound Nazi sympathy with comments like “Hitler did nothing wrong” and “(Emperor Rhombus) knows what is good for the goyim.”

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Antifa Supports NAMBLA For The Same Reason That They Hate Heavy Metal

Several founders of By Any Means Necessary, the communist antifascist groups censoring campus speakers and metal bands in Berkeley, have been discovered to support the North American Man/Boy Love Association (NAMBLA), a pro-pedophilia and pederasty criminal organization that works toward the legalization of child rape and exploitation in the United States.

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Euronymous: Black Metal’s First Hipster


Article contributed to Death Metal Underground by Cullen Toner.

Many of the pariahs seen infesting contemporary American black metal – communism, narcissism, an illusion of extremism – can be traced back to one man: Euroynmous of Mayhem.
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Exposing the Hypocrisy of Liberal Metal Journalism


Article contributed to Death Metal Underground by Cullen Toner.

In an age where the culture war has reached all corners of American life it is essential to understand the immense significance of the extreme metal frontier. As a liberal movement on the brink of extinction adapts a full blown communist agenda and wages totalitarian warfare against all beneficiaries of natural selection and individual freedom it is mandatory for the iron willed men and women of metal to defend the most liberated of all musical genres. By defeating these dystopian LARPers on the battlefield of metal culture we will accelerate their complete evisceration and ultimately emancipate the underground metal genre from it’s stagnant state. Therefore we must understand the enemy to swiftly and decisively destroy it.

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Antifa Boots Antifa Supporting Metalcore Band

German antifascist communists booted American metalcore band Woe from the lineups of some shows on their current tour due to Woe opening for Inquisition a few times. Woe are one of your standard, screamo random post-hardcore bands pretending to be “US Black Metal” when in reality they are still metalcore. Moreover, Woe being social justice warriors from Brooklyn, New York played several benefit shows for antifa in the US. Now Woe themselves are throwing a fit about leftist crybabies preventing them from playing shows on Facebook as the communist scum decided that since Woe do not march in gay pride parades, probably do not fuck the gaping open wounds of mutilated transvestites, and do not mind opening for bands that once sort of played a simplified form of black metal that Woe occasionally play on Spotify when wanting something heavier to relieve the stress of their service jobs, Woe must be shot with hollow point bullets in the back of the head.

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Real Sex with Social Justice Warriors Short Story Contest

Death Metal Underground has not run a contest in quite some time; since we found our slogan: “Sodomize the Weak” from Blood‘s O Agios Pethane. Our staff collectively feels it is time for another round. Social justice warriors, antifascists, and communists have been annoying the heavy metal world lately. We have decided to counter back with a short story contest.

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