Forces of Satan Stumble

The consensus seems to be that Christ does not belong in metal.  Well, neither does Satan.  Rigid patterns of thought are not conductive to the creation of transcendental metal music.  The failure of NSBM stems from the rigid ideology into which the music was forced like a Procrustean bed.  The two Christian metal bands worth a shit have been covered on this site: Paramaecium and Antestor.  The only NSBM bands that are not terrible are the bands, like Graveland, that preceeded the creation of the subgenre and were only lumped in with the scene later… Gontyna Kry seems to be the sole exception to NSBM sucking.

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Hipsters Discover That Black Metal Musicians Are Bad

Another scandal!  Yes folks, for the fourth time in the past two or three weeks, hipster journalists and fake metal fans are shocked and appalled that a black metal musician has done something immoral.  Despite black metal being a music genre for 30 years, smelly neckbeard losers and dreadlocked trust fund crusties are figuratively (though literally in some cases) throwing their own feces every time they catch a mid-tier black metal musician doing something not socially acceptable.  This time, the horrific act came from Marduk, whose purchasing of German World War II merchandise from a sketchy online retailer made them too evil for a fest called Stockholm Slaughter (who apparently think slaughter is cool, but just not when it pertains to 1940s Europe).

Because millennials are too dumb to learn any history that doesn’t involve student loans, let’s quickly look back and see if any criminal or immoral things were done by the original black metal bands.  Maybe there’s something that we can learn from  that fateful 1990s Norwegian scene:

Band                   Criminal/Immoral Act

Burzum                Murder, violating parole with a shitload of explosives, arson, Nazism, white supremacy

Dimmu Borgir    Using the N word in an interview/proclaiming the desire to genocide Africans

Emperor              Hate crime murder of a homosexual, arson

Gorgoroth           Rape, battery and torture, violation of Poland’s animal rights laws, homosexuality

Immortal             Arson

Mayhem              Murder, 2nd degree murder, arson, public mutilation, trashing hotels

Satyricon            Rape, arson, rape

Thorns                2nd degree murder

I’m sorry to break this to everyone living in a liberal bubble, but a painfully obvious truth exists:  black metal musicians are bad men.

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Hate Mail (#10): Panzer Division Memminger

A German poseur with a stick up his ass calling himself Memminger Huette emailed us a review he had written of Marduk‘s comical Panzer Division Marduk. I at first assumed his review was a parody of how mainstream rock publications write about metal but that soon proved not to be the case in the brief email exchange that followed between him and me. His emails are the ones quoted after the jump.

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Upcoming Marduk, Incantation, and Abysmal Dawn US Tour

Marduk, Incantation, and Abysmal Dawn are touring the United States together this August and September. Tour dates and venues are pending. Will antifascists and communists attack Marduk for their apolitical use of Second World War imagery? Will Incantation be targeted too as Craig Pillard was the vocalist on their best work? We will have to wait and see.

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Metal Blast Points Out Ridiculousness of David Anthony and The AV Club

Youtube vlogger Metal Blast pointed out the ridiculous of David Anthony’s preposterous claim that “Metal Has Unaddressed Nazi Problem” on hipster socialist realism media website The A.V. Club. Metal Blast notes that while Craig Pillard of Disma made anti-Semitic statements in the past himself, David Anthony preposterous slamming Disma and every other metal band he holds politically incorrect to the socialist creed as Nazis is just as preposterous as Tipper Gore’s Parents Music Resource Center in the 80s and Jack Thompson claiming that the violence of Doom and Grand Theft Auto in the 90s led to school shootings.

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Oakland Police Ally with Antifa Terrorists to Stop Marduk Show

The Oakland Police Department allied with antifascist and communist terrorists to get the Oakland Metro Operahouse to cancel Marduk‘s booked show with Incantation there today on February 18th according to a post on the venue’s Facebook page. Antifascists and communists had previously vowed to attack Marduk’s planned gigs in Oakland and Austin.

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Antifascist and Communist Terrorists Threaten Marduk Tour

Antifascist and Communists have vowed to commit terrorists acts in protest of Swedish war metal (formerly black metal) band Marduk touring the US for the first time in years. The idiotic communist manlets are accusing Marduk of being a “crypto-fascist” band. They will not stop harassing the band, their fans, and concertgoers until all of them are sent to gulags (where work will set them free) or have hollow-point bullets shot into the back of their skulls in the bowels of police stations.

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Frontschwein Folly

marduk_-_frontschwein
Article by David Rosales

Marduk has never, with the exception of the laudable Opus Nocturne, boasted of a deep mystical aura imbuing their music and has rather been known for the sonic onslaught which is their music. The present work sees a band that appears to have long settled for a style and seem content to reproduce it for the benefit of an expecting audience. That is, a very palpable pop mentality has settled in, even if the music has not completely degenerated in form. The artistic vision nonetheless has affected, as is the rule, the manifested aesthetic of the music, and will predictably continue to corrode its quality as it has been doing for the past twenty years or so.

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