Sadistic reviews by Linus Douglas.
Sadly apart from Sammath, some other Dutch metal, and reissues, Hammerheart Records appears to publish many moronic releases produced by poor excuses for neurons in hopes of flooding shelves like every other larger metal label.
Tags: 2017, brutal unrest, cirith gorgor, dead head, ereb altor, exoskelett, funeral twilight, hammerheart, hammerheart records, metalcore, mourners lament, sadistic metal reviews, stinking shit, the monolith deathcult, trinitas
Recently and rightfully deported Z-list speed metal rehashers Evil Invaders announced on their Funbook page that they have a new album of trends mosh core fun coming out. Feed Me Violence comes out September 29th on Napalm Records. Evil Invaders promised to sell out and have lame glam metal choruses like Testament. You know this is going to stink like a bathroom stall at a truck stop with a few holes drilled into the dividers.
Tags: beer metal, evil invaders, funderground, glam rock, hard rock, Napalm Records, rehash, Speed Metal, stinking shit, trends mosh core fun, upcoming release, worthless scum
Black/death ‘n’ roll band Bolzer premiered a track that sounds like the pretentious hipster occult version of the Beach Boys from their upcoming debut LP, Hero. Their prior EPs had a few creative riffs in boring, meandering , and more boring alt rock songs. Rather than increasing the amount of actually meaningful musical content or improving their songwriting skills, Bolzer have tailored themselves to target the hipsters consuming the idiot safe-space pseudo-metal promulgated by Profound Lore, Vice, and MetalSucks. Will the bearded, flannel cutoff short short wearers be grossly offended by the runes tattooed onto Bolzer’s beer bellies?
Tags: black 'n roll, Bolzer, christmas, crypto-indie, death 'n' roll, Hero, hipster bullshit, Iron Bonehead Productions, new track, stinking shit, upcoming release
The Boston Beer Company generally makes solid but unexceptional beers for a wide audience which isn’t surprising given that it is a brewery founded by a former corporate financier who was the son of a brewer to fill a hole in the market in the 1980s: domestic beers that could compete with mediocre European imports. Craft beer was just getting started and most of the big adjunct lager brewers had already diluted down the their product to the point where many wouldn’t even drink it. Jim Koch employed the same chemist and brewer who formulated Miller Lite to fine tune a beer an old family recipe he had been homebrewing for mass production. Samuel Adams Boston Lager is a genuinely good beer but what their Octoberfest eventually became in the 21st century is not. The first whiff and sip is dark fruits and toasted bread like a darker Marzen beer should be but then the unpleasantness hits you like an off-scented dashboard air freshener. The beer tastes like brown sugar and smells of artificial cinnamon and ginger. Sam Adams is hiding pumpkin spice bullshit in their Octoberfest seasonal for the Starbucks yuppies! Samuel Adams Octoberfest is one of those beers. The radlers, shandies, Zimas, pumpkin spice lattes, and mango IPAs for ex-sorority girls and effeminate homosexuals – wine cooler “beer”! The only positive attribute is that if you get this for free and drink the entire six pack, you will get drunk. Unfortunately, your excretate will smell like that of an unwashed obese man the day after Thanksgiving.
Tags: beer, boston beer company, lager, samuel adams octoberfest, stinking shit
Article by Lance Viggiano
Intolitarian is the work of a singular person who polemically positions himself as an artistic paragon standing on the opposite end of a polarity between retro-rehash, imported heaps of plastic and bad Xeroxes. Amidst such a landscape and armed with powerful rhetorical golden guns, he is able to churn out effort after effort which communicates nothing and everyone knows it. Like war metal, which similarly has nothing to say, criticism is parried through a simple maneuver: those who call this spade a spade simply cannot handle how extreme it is for it is certain that this work stands on the precipice of a new aesthetic era that will make death and black metal look like nursery rhymes. This defensive posture is of course a variation of the oft repeated, “You don’t understand” that is used by insular communities and critics to accomplish little more than convince the user of their own superiority where every induced eye-roll reduces to signals of ones own status as a martyr for good taste.
Tags: antichrist kramer, hipster bullshit, intolitarian, noise, stinking shit, War Metal
Article by Jon Faugustus.
Djent band Periphery to release new album, Periphery III: Select Difficulty, on July 22nd, 2016. This upcoming album further consolidates Periphery’s reputation as the leading non-metal hipster band.
Standing out as an out-of-the-closet Pantera tribute band, Periphery has made a name for itself in the Pro-Tools community and the Mac users forum. The band has come to be known for their anti-establishment, anti-genre-classification, anti-gender-classification, anti-making-sense postures that sets them appart from anything in the rational universe, fitting perfectly in the make-believe world of millenials and the pampered liberal youth.
Tags: hipster bullshit, metalcore, Periphery, stinking shit, wanking
Far worse than Slayer‘s BMX bikes and Abbath‘s shower curtains, Metallica have a new modeling gig selling mediocre suits to douchebags. Kill ’em All.
Tags: fags, idiots, merch, merchandise, metallica, stinking shit, worse than shit
Article by Jon Faugustus.
Poser power metal band Rhapsody of Fire made history on July 10, 2016, by playing their first concert in Tel Aviv, Israel. This took place at the traditional ‘Rock the Havana Club’ and probably attracted many a power metal connoisseur from the deconstructionist school.
Tags: false metal, homosexuality, Israel, news, non metal metal pop crap, poser, posers, poseur, poseurs, rhapsody, rhapsody of fire, stinking shit, symphonic power metal, vocal driven power metal, vocal-based power metal