Jobs Are Jails

What would Hessianism be, if it were expressed as a philosophy? The idea that beauty is found in whole structures and not textures; in other words, when you see all that is there, you understand the role of darkness and how the beauty in it is essential to have other good things, and when we deny it, we fall into an abyss of ourselves and suck in everything around us, choking ourselves out with our own weight.

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Hecate Enthroned – Embrace of the Godless Aeon

Hecate Enthroned are known for being second fiddle to Cradle of Filth within the UK black metal scene and have followed their footsteps into third rate Black metal generally in the ridiculously named «Symphonic Black metal» style which is a complete lack of riffcraft being overcompensated by simple keyboard melodies. For those who are unfamiliar with this band, their 1997 release The Slaughter of Innocence, a Requiem for the Mighty was decent if at times inconsistant Black metal and is their summit. Their latest release sees an uninspired band attempt to reconcile cookie-cutter Blackened Death metal with the newer post rock elements that have invaded Black metal to create one of the worst excuses of Black metal to have ever existed.

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Sadistic Metal Reviews: Flavor of the Week Metal Pt 2: Death Metal

Last month we ran the first  of a two part series on flavor of the week metal subgenres, focusing soley on black metal. The plan was to release a second edition a week later, but the Tulio Baars DDOS attacks prevented that from happening. That is, until now…
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The Haarslev PB30/60 As Big As The Ritz

Dennis Emmental hated being late because it revealed to everyone how little he wanted to be there. Slipping past the creaky back door, he took his place in the line at OptiFood. Orders came from the digital kiosk at the drive-thru and Dennis had twenty-four seconds to assemble the ingredients for the OptiMeal:

  • Chinese: steak|chicken|fish, Szechuan sauce, noodles, lettuce, pepper, peanuts, onion
  • Mexican: beef|chicken, cheese 1, Picante sauce, lettuce, pepper, Guacamole sauce, sour cream
  • Italian: beef|chicken, Diable sauce, noodles, pepper, lettuce, onion, cheese 2
  • Thai: beef|chicken, cheese 1, noodles, Picante sauce, Szechuan sauce, pepper, onion
  • Murican: beef|chicken, cheese 2, Diable sauce, bread 11, Gaucamole sauce, cheese 1, lettuce
  • European: steak|chicken|fish, lettuce, pepper, sour cream, cheese 2, onion, bread 11

He and his cohorts were dumping ingredients in the short, stout, beaker-shaped commemorative plastic buckets used to serve the twenty-four ounce meals. The store was open twenty-four hours a day, and had a thirty-eight percent turnover rate at a six month interval. The owners were unconcerned; they had reached the point where it took a million bucks just to think about suing them, and everyone knew that most of their employees were retards and flakes and so just laughed off their complaints.

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Abigor – Höllenzwang (2018)

Abigor are back with their 9th album, which is sadly a continuation of the ideas on Leytmotif Luzifer.  Hailing from Vienna in Austria, Abigor definitely have the style and look associated with their hometown but even in arguably their last bad work : Nacthymnen ( From the Twilight Kingdom) they have always lacked substance in comparison to the greats in the European black metal style.  Leytmotif Luzifer was Deathspell Omega worship with the remnants of what could be qualified as generic second wave black metal. Here they continue in that substanceless yet somewhat more refined method of songcraft….

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Celebrating The Spirit Of Heavy Metal

The path of heavy metal is a solitary one. Most people do not like the idea of it, hate the sound of it, and look down on those who like it. It is not simplistic and mindlessly obsessive like rock, nor fancy and high-falutin’ like jazz. It seems deliberately antisocial, disruptive, violent and dark.

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Incantation Release “Rites of the Locust” Confirming Suspicions That They Will Further Bowdlerize Themselves

Incantation released the first “single” well preview track of their sure to be mediocre upcoming album, Profane Nexus. “Rites of the Locust” rehashes their past material into an ultra generic death metal song. The actual song sounds like it rehashes a bunch of licks on the already rehashed Vanquish in Vengeance.

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Burial – Unholy Sedition (2016)


Review contributed to Death Metal Underground by Rainer Weikusat.

Burial is a hipster/ bald beardo band from Manchester, England who claim to play black metal. Unholy Sedition‘s tracks are all pretty short, staying within the radio rock “about 3 minutes” window. Thus all of the songs are arranged like radio rock songs rather than in death metal riff mazes or black metal melodic narratives. Burial do not even try to actually play those genres of music; only to imitate the aesthetics of prior imitations in a poorly done Khyber Pass Copy constructed in a cargo-cult fashion by primitive tribesmen in a pathetic attempt at idolization.

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