Nuclear Blast Signs Possessed

Article by Cullen Toner.

In an attempt to swiftly cash in on both the trend of retro 80’s rehash and the trend to sell the world’s most fragile human beings as the new face of metal, Nuclear Blast has signed the crippled remains of the once titanic death metal band Possessed. Despite the band being active since 2007, the timing was appropriate now due to the liberal media’s executed agenda of celebrating and overcompensating for society’s weakest members. The hipster metal community’s plastic face of acceptance will be tested mightily as the urge to cringe upon viewing the sorry state of the band’s handicapped turf leader will be difficult to resist.

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Evil – Evil’s Message (1984)


Article by George Psalmanazar.

Evil were a Danish metal band from the mid 1980s often held up as yet another “lost gem” by record collectors as their sole studio release, the Evil’s Message EP, has never been reissued except for a hard to find, bargain basement compilation with French heavy metal band Sortilège’s self-titled EP in the late 90s. Evil’s Message is far from actually being good though; it is nothing special, bog standard Motorhead and Metallica style speed metal.

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Sadistic Metal Reviews: Inquisition of the Unworthy

Burn them all!

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Satan – Court in the Act (1983)


Article by George Psalmanazar.

Satan‘s Court in the Act exists in a unique space between the New Wave of British Heavy Metal and speed metal. As a wholly metal album that attempts no pandering to mainstream radio rock unlike seemingly every other NWOBHM band, Court in the Act is by far the strongest studio album of that sub-genre/movement and incredibly influential to American speed metal bands Metallica, Megadeth, and Slayer.

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Sadistic Metal Reviews: Defile the Inferior

Death Metal Underground’s staff makes great personal sacrifice to ensure that we degrade the unworthy, the inferior, and the charming. We show no mercy and will defile your corpse.

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Sadistic Metal Reviews: Flush ‘Em All

Blood must be shed to atone for the sins of these mostly horrific recordings. Every single person who thought releasing these was a great idea should attempt to give themselves a self-swirlie while under the influence. Banging their head on the porcelain toilet tank lid will knock some sense into them or crack their skulls open. Hopefully the latter.

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ZOM – Flesh Assimilation (2014)


Article by Lance Viggiano.

ZOM is essentially a crust band who starched by a discordant boondock black metal sensibility resulting in parlor tunes to cap off a hard day picking potatoes. Neither being soaked in rye nor smoked out on Dublin can make this release stand out in the fields of barley. The riffs aren’t worth paying attention to and as background music it is simply too assertive so it tends to pinch you if your mood isn’t wearing the right color.

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Sadistic Metal Reviews 3-15-2017

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Sadistic Metal Reviews: 3-14-2017

These bands attempt to masquerade their GarageBand music fit only for arcades, pizza parlors, and high school dances as underground metal. They fail.

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