Midnight – Shox of Violence (2017)

Midnight are the definition of beer metal. Midnight sound like Motorhead if Motorhead accidentally took tranquilizers and forgot to write chord progressions and progressive minor-key heavy metal leads in their songs. Midnight are Motorhead if when Lemmy got arrested for drug possession in Canada in the early seventies while touring with Hawkwind, Lemmy did not merely get kicked out of Hawkwind and deported back to the United Kingdom; Midnight are Motorhead if the Canadians were really the Soviets who institutionalized and lobotomized Lemmy while forcing him at gunpoint to cart around a potent IV drip of anti-psychotics and sedatives for the rest of his life.

Continue reading Midnight – Shox of Violence (2017)

Suffocation – …Of the Dark Light (2017)

Review contributed to Death Metal Underground by Edward Colt.

Suffocation overreaches on this one. Favoring the pubescent Call Of Duty crowd, they have fully bent over and accepted that their last handful of albums are: video game music. With new artwork that looks like something out of Mass Effect, all …Of the Dark Light invokes is some strange ground between nerd-rage and ravehead drug bingers. The cover artwork could be the poster of some corn field sponsored outdoor rave event in your nearest rural area away from seemingly never-ending suburban sprawl.

Continue reading Suffocation – …Of the Dark Light (2017)

Mayhem Tour, Washington, DC Stop Review


Article contributed to Death Metal Underground by Mike Alexander’s friend who is a Bill & Ted type of guy, you know.

I saw Mayhem play De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas, the only album of theirs that actually counts of course, last week at the Howard Theater in Washington, DC so I wanted to tell my fellow Death Metal Underground readers what’s happening inside the ANUS of this tour. That was surely an ironic choice of venue the band made there. Playing a black theater in a historically black city was strange for a band whose drummer, Hellhammer, is a badass drummer who hits like a fucking beast like a German in a tank trying to conquer Africa back from his historic racial enemies, the Polish and the Africans and Hellhammer is Greek or something so how can these losers with nothing better to do claim he’s even racist you know? Also practicing under their swastika banners and shit like that they shouldve brought out to steam roll all the drunk hipsters instead of comic book covers to hide behind onstage. I had to check this shit out to see if some shit would go down. I wanted to see if the gig would rule or if any crazy shit from hipsters, communists, or any other idiot life forms that could come out of a UFO or something would be real you know and prevent Mayhem from pounding my face in you know.

Continue reading Mayhem Tour, Washington, DC Stop Review

Forteresse Announce Récits Patriotiques

French Canadian Gothenburg style metal band Forteresse announced a rehearsal album, Récits Patriotiques, today for all those who care about their boring Gothenburg material that sounds like early Amon Amarth with no tempo changes or variations for beer metallers who do not critically listen to music and prefer to just leave metal on in the background like a heavier version of smooth jazz they can ignore and check in on once every two minutes to see if the band did anything new or are back to scratching their asses. Récits Patriotiques will be released on March 18th, 2017 by Sepulchral Productions on 750 CDs for 750 fundergrounders or hipsters who want to crank frogified Davy Crockett metal to feel special about themselves like kale-flavored ice cream sandwiches. Preorder Récits Patriotiques here if you hate money and wear coonskin caps during sex.

Continue reading Forteresse Announce Récits Patriotiques

Trey Azagthoth’s Mom Mad Dave Vincent Formed Morbid Angel Cover Band

Former Morbid Angel frontman Evil Diamond Dave Vincent formed a Morbid Angel cover band, I Am Morbid, with the last Morbid Angel drummer, Tim Yueng, to tour South America with. Apparently the whole country music, honky tonk bar band schtick hasn’t been working out for Evil D. The transition from Necromonicon to NASCAR failed to bring fruit financial rewards.

Continue reading Trey Azagthoth’s Mom Mad Dave Vincent Formed Morbid Angel Cover Band

Darkthrone – Arctic Thunder (2016)


Article by Lance Viggiano

Darkthrone have spent the records FOAD through The Underground Resistance regressing into their pre-Celtic Frost influences. Sensing their customers’ growing unpopularity with this black ‘n’ roll approach, Fenriz and Nocturno Culto try to save face on Artic Thunder by regressing into their own work. The upshot is that nobody but Miller Lite Throne can sell mediocre riffs in cyclical songs as well as these two. The downshift is that they cannot muster enough enthusiasm or energy to play their own ideas with the dedication of a devoted bar-tier cover band.

Continue reading Darkthrone – Arctic Thunder (2016)

Immolation Announce More Death Pop

Immolation announced a new album in their recent style of taking their own material and simplifying or parodying it down into pop rock for a beer swilling speed metal audience who eat up every new Metallica and Sodom record of randomly rehashed tunes. Atonement is the story of Cecilia (Keira Knightley) and Robbie’s (James McAvoy) life turning to hell when Briony, Cecilia’s bratty little sister, falsely accuses James McAvoy of rape. Cecilia and Robbie die horribly but Briony becomes a successful novelist. Ross Dolan insists that Keira Knightley did a great job wearing that green dress in Immolation’s best sounding release to date despite the fact that Dawn of Possession still exists and was recently reissued:

Continue reading Immolation Announce More Death Pop

Graveland’s 1050 Years of Pagan Cult Rerecordings Out Now

Graveland‘s 1050 Years of Pagan Cult rerecordings of Rob Darken’s greatest hits from the best of Graveland‘s black metal period is available now for download on Bandcamp. This release appears to be another rerecording for losers with iPhones who want to hear old songs with a modern, less necro production.

Continue reading Graveland’s 1050 Years of Pagan Cult Rerecordings Out Now

Agoraphobic Nosebleed Hypocritical Yoga Pants

agoraphobic-nosebleed-yoga-pants

Social justice warrior metalcore (formerly comedy techno grind) band Agoraphobic Nosebleed offered ass-printed yoga pants for sale at recent festival performances such as the social justice warrior and communist run California Deathfest. Yes, this is the same Agoraphobic Nosebleed whose menstruating, undergrown screamo vocalist Kat Katz slammed Death Metal Underground as “If Fox News and Lambgoat had a baby.” and claimed “this dude totally has it out for women in metal… and women in general. Yup.” What hypocrisy and exploitation of their own idiotic fanbase from the leftist z-list deathcore band unable to promote themselves on the musical strength of their terrible recorded material.

Continue reading Agoraphobic Nosebleed Hypocritical Yoga Pants