/smr/ Sadistic Metal Reviews: Massacre of Death Metal’s Mainstream

Yesterday, we gave you the 10 most popular death metal bands of all time.  Now one by one they will face public execution as we absolutely massacre their most recent release.  No mercy will be shown- orders are to kill everything that moves.

Did you fucking soy metal nu males really think they would get off easy?  This is Death Metal Underground- the most savage music site on the internet!  Death to soy metal, death to sellouts, burn and die all falses!  Mayhem- war- sadism- brutalization!  No death metal band should have 1 million Facebook likes!  No death metal band should be on Facebook at all!  Pussies!  Behead the corpses, throw them into the streets- the Templar way!

(more…)

16 Comments

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

HOW FACEBOOK SCREWED THE LORD OF LOGOS

On March 29th, 2014, I was booked on a conceptually enticing extreme metal show in San Antonio, TX.  It was held in honor of Christophe Szpajdel, the infamous “Lord of the Logos” who designed the logos for a good amount of the most relevant black metal bands over the last few decades.  Headlined by Abazagorath, every band on the bill had a Christophe-drawn logo.  Christophe himself was flown across the Atlantic to be present to draw logos for concertgoers on the spot.  But thanks to the abomination that is Facebook, Christophe never made it out of the airport.

(more…)

4 Comments

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

SJWs Threaten Nocturnus Over Keyboardist’s Facebook Posts

Some punk scenester social justice twat named Alyssa Lorenzon lashed out at Mike Browning after comments the keyboardist of his Nocturnus AD revival of Nocturnus made on Facebook documenting his poor sexual success with sexually abused and bipolar women.

(more…)

36 Comments

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Vincent Crowley Attacks Snowflakes

In a Facebook post, Vincent Crowley (Acheron) attacked the special snowflakes whining about metal and the funderground social justice warrior promoters who refuse to book his new thrash metal band Infidel Reich due to their Third Reich imagery and anti-Islamic lyrics.

(more…)

29 Comments

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Malevolent Creation Seeks New Vocalist

Malevolent Creation are seeking a new vocalist on their Funbook page. The band has apparently fired Bret Hoffman. If you can do Malevolent Creation style vocals and are desperate to be in a known death metal band to validate your metal credentials as you have you low-self esteem, you should contact Phil Fasciana. Otherwise just contact him if you have a better growl than Dave Ingram and want to play shows despite lacking musicianship.

(more…)

4 Comments

Tags: , , , , ,

“Kim Kelly’s Hand” Rehosted

The creators of the hilarious “Kim Kelly’s hand” Facebook fan page saved and emailed Death Metal Underground the unused pictures submitted to the page and the comedic captions on those already there. The page was accused by the Parents Music Resource Center of Facebook of being bullying despite Kim Kelly being an infamous public figure as a serially lying fake journalist. Since it made the crustfund communist cry, Death Metal Underground has of course decided to host the captioned pictures too funny for Facebook’s socialist worker’s paradise:

(more…)

27 Comments

Tags: , , , ,

Kim Kelly Whines; Facebook Censors Fan Page

Facebook deleted the  hilarious “Kim Kelly’s Hand” fan page that a few Death Metal Underground readers made in awe of her claw hand and how she is able to type ever-flowing streams of diarrhea despite such a hideous deformity. Facebook accused those few hilarious metal heads of bullying. Apparently jabs at a public figure are not allowed on Facebook’s socialist worker’s playplace. Kim Kelly is the crustfund communist Vice Noisey fake journalist, serial liar, alleged groupie, and supposedly hypocritical racist trying to ruin the careers of metal bands she finds politically objectionable. Kelly called Dismember and Cannibal Corpse sexist and constantly shills for crappy crossover thrash, noise rock, hipster whine rock, and female-fronted deathcore bands.

(more…)

40 Comments

Tags: , , , , , , ,