An Involution of Easter

Bill and Ted found themselves wandering through the middle east, somewhere. The time machine had finally shorted out when Ted connected it to his iPad, causing a brief detour through 1968 Christopher Street in New York and a Royal Navy frigate in 1780 at rum ration time before crashing somewhere into this Semitic wonderland.

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“Kim Kelly’s Hand” Rehosted

The creators of the hilarious “Kim Kelly’s hand” Facebook fan page saved and emailed Death Metal Underground the unused pictures submitted to the page and the comedic captions on those already there. The page was accused by the Parents Music Resource Center of Facebook of being bullying despite Kim Kelly being an infamous public figure as a serially lying fake journalist. Since it made the crustfund communist cry, Death Metal Underground has of course decided to host the captioned pictures too funny for Facebook’s socialist worker’s paradise:

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Kim Kelly Whines; Facebook Censors Fan Page

Facebook deleted the  hilarious “Kim Kelly’s Hand” fan page that a few Death Metal Underground readers made in awe of her claw hand and how she is able to type ever-flowing streams of diarrhea despite such a hideous deformity. Facebook accused those few hilarious metal heads of bullying. Apparently jabs at a public figure are not allowed on Facebook’s socialist worker’s playplace. Kim Kelly is the crustfund communist Vice Noisey fake journalist, serial liar, alleged groupie, and supposedly hypocritical racist trying to ruin the careers of metal bands she finds politically objectionable. Kelly called Dismember and Cannibal Corpse sexist and constantly shills for crappy crossover thrash, noise rock, hipster whine rock, and female-fronted deathcore bands.

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Kim Kelly Interviews Kerry King; Reveals Crab Claw

Alleged groupie, liar, white genocide advocate, and humanoid orc communist Kim Kelly interviewed surviving Slayer guitarist / sideshow attraction Kerry King for Vice Noisey on Youtube. Kerry King, wearing war metal shades, talks about Slayer’s influences and development on their early, formative material.

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#Metalgate: Kim Kelly Endorses White Genocide

Crustfund social justice warrior, hypocrite, alleged groupie, liar, and Vice columnist Kim Kelly openly supported white genocide on Twitter late last month. She gave her “total support” to Drexel university associate professor George Ciccariello-Maher who publicly wished for a white genocide as a gift last Christmas on Twitter and slammed his critics as “white supremacists”. He followed up his initial lust for ethnic cleansing of his own race with another tweet stating:

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Montreal Police Condone Antifa Attack

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No arrests, no tickets handed out. The protesters were aggressive toward the organizers (of the concert) but not towards police … When we told them to disperse they did so.

Said Montreal police constable Benoît Boisselle about the Communist antifascist terrorists who attacked the the police protecting the Messe des Morts festival where Graveland was scheduled to play. The Antifa thugs were clearly supported not only by the communist Industrial Workers of the World union but by the local Montreal city government too. Three of the perpetrators identities are known: recidivist junkie and anti-Semite Katie Nelson, Éric Sédition (a card-carrying member of the IWW), and Alexandre Bouleric (member of the Canadian federal parliament from a district in Montreal). All walk free to terrorize again.

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SJWs Whine about Trump’s Triumph

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The social justice warrior punk scene parasites attempting to infiltrate metal and censor it according to their visions of social realism in their ideal future multicultural socialist workers paradise like Venezuela have been whining over the defeat of Hillary Clinton by Donald Trump in the Americen presidential elections this week. The American populace decisively shot down the leftist attempts to create a new world order and now the unemployable are rioting in the streets demanding that Trump be impeached as Hillary won the popular vote. Want to know what prominent crusts attempting to infiltrate heavy metal think about Trump’s triumph? Let’s find out!

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#Metalgate: MetalSucks Commenters Expose Kim Kelly

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Vince Neilstein and Axl Rosenberg of metalcore and nu-metal web site MetalSucks are counting down who they deluded themselves into believing are “The twenty five most important people in metal”. So far only two of their picks have had anything to do with heavy metal at all: Fenriz, who as true communists they chose for his working class background and refusal to leave his job in the Norwegian postal service rather than his music accomplishments in Darkthrone and Rob Halford of Judas Priest for being gay so MetalSucks can push the liberal social narrative to twelve year olds and urban hipsters with the critical thinking skills of twelve year old girls.

The most controversial choice of the two MetalSucks commissars-in-chief was crustfund false journalist Kim Kelly for being a female scenester and selective social justice warrior Neilstein and Rosenberg personally know. The communists appreciated her exposing “vitriol, hate and misogyny” and “nazi black metal bands” mostly in line with their political and social agendas for the leftist new world order that has hopefully just been vanquished democratically.

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