The Musician’s Guide to SJW Values

Metal, like punk, once a lawless wild west where no attitude or ideology was unwelcome or too extreme.  But after hipsters unifed the masses of 90’s counter cultures into one mainstream culture, a far left ideology was adopted by and heavily policed within nearly every sub/counter cultural music genre (metal included).  Despite this being the exact opposite of what metal has been about for many decades, the desperation to fit in has left many of the aging neckbeard social outcast fake metalheads to adopt this heinous bastardization of music’s most honest genre and collectively enforce these new mainstream social rules.  And just like in the mainstream culture of today, breaking any of these rules (or having broken them in the past before these social norms were instituted) is designated with a swift lifetime band from showing yourself in public in the U.S.

Lately, a lot of metal bands have  been getting in trouble for doing things that progressive liberal culture finds unacceptable.  Many bands have been confused by the rules, as progressive liberal logic is absolutely nonsensical,  and therefore musicians struggle with the details behind this new social paradigm.  Having fought the left in our culture war for several years now and being often confronted with these nutcases, I determined it would be in the best interest of metal’s very badass musicians understand what crimes and behaviors are okay.  Please find below, a very thoroughly researched look into the disturbed mind of Social Justice Warriors:

Chart 1: Individual’s Morality

Crime/Behavior                                                                                  Acceptable?

MURDER                                                                                                      YES

ASSAULT (MALE VICTIM)                                                                      YES

ASSAULT (FEMALE VICTIM)                                                                 NO (Unless you’re signed to Profound Lore)

THEFT                                                                                                           YES

BESTIALITY                                                                                                 YES

PEDOPHILIA                                                                                               NO (Unless you write for MetalSucks)

GRAVE ROBBERY                                                                                      YES

SAYING MEAN THINGS ABOUT MEN                                                 YES

SAYING MEAN THINGS ABOUT WOMEN                                         NO (Unless you write for MetalSucks)

SAYING MEAN THINGS ABOUT WHITES                                          YES

SAYING MEAN THINGS ABOUT ANY OTHER RACE                     NO (Unless you’re signed to Profound Lore)

SAYING MEAN THINGS ABOUT CHRISTIANS                                 YES

SAYING MEAN THINGS ABOUT ANY OTHER RELIGION             NO

SAYING MEAN THINGS ABOUT LGTBTQ                                          NO

 

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WAT? Testament Guitarist Denounces Israel

Alex Skolnick, the guitarist of mediocre thrash metallers Testament, has for some reason decided to go out of his way to go on anti-Israel tangent for no reason.  After the band preformed there last week, a few of the members posted photos of the band posing with the Israeli flag and a number of roasties from the Israeli army.  But on Skolnick’s post, his photo is preceded by a ridiculous rant on how he wants to preemptively explain that he thinks the state of Israel and its president are horrible and that he’s ashamed of the soldiers and the flag (except for the fact that the flag has the star of David).  He then goes on to state that he is Jewish blooded but thinks Judaism is bullshit and apologizes for Israel being mean to the Palestinian terrorists that tried to invade/destroy Israel and still continue to commit acts of terrorism now that all their friends bailed on them.  Hilariously even the fake-news-fake- Jews of MetalSucks praised Skolnick for denouncing the homeland of their people as social justice warriors and progressive liberals notoriously disallow Jewish symbols to be displayed while they protest Trump/men/etc and march in favor of sodomy and degeneracy.  This event again goes to show, as many have in the past, that social justice warriors don’t really care about Jews when they oppose antisemitism as they only feign outrage to project a moral high ground that benefits their cause.

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¡So Woke! Decibel Mag Goes Full Soyboy

Decibel Magazine has miraculously erased three decades worth of credibility by posting the most embarrassingly tearful editorial that metal journalism has ever seen.  It is impossible to read damn the thing without formulating the mental picture of a balding, big breasted obese man in his 40s watching CNN with his even more obese tattooed wife as both cry their eyes out at the far-left propaganda being spewed out at them. 

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Sick Pedos Inquisition Dropped From Label

Season of Mist have dropped scumbag frog-metal band Inquisition after it became known that Dagon is a sick pedophile fuck who pleaded guilty to child porn charges in 2009 for having sexualized photos of young girls and boys on his hard drive. Hopefully this will be the end of Inquisition as they were a terrible Immortal ripoff that became a flavor of the week favorite of hipsters only due to the undying hipster quest to find the most awkward two piece band in existence.  If we are lucky authorities will deport Inquisition back to Columbia, investigate their behavior at all of the all ages shows the band played, and, if any misconduct ensued, speedy trial and death penalty!

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PISS ON TERRORIZER MAGAZINE’S GRAVE!

It has become apparent that the mentally ill mutant publisher of the failed Terrorizer Magazine pulled a classic Blake Judd-style heist on everyone stupid enough to subscribe to it in 2017.  Back in September, Terrorizer published a post on Facebooktarget=”_blank” rel=”nofollow external” indicating that “they’re having publishing problems” and promised to send everyone’s missing magazines that week.  In reality, subscribers were lucky if they got 1/4 of the year’s magazines delivered as most never received at least 3 of the issues and even got shafted on digital copies (!!!).  Absolutely no one has received the December issue (it was never published), yet everyone has been billed for the full year both last year AND THIS YEAR even though the last magazine was published in November!  I was just as shocked to hear about this as you were: I couldn’t believe people actually paid money to read Terrorizer last year!

So as of yesterday the lefty metal media has finally been reporting on the embarrassing death of Terrorizer Magazine, but so far they are taking a sympathetic tone.  But why is this, after the harshness they displayed on Blakey Judd for ripping off his fans in the exact same fashion?  The answer has been thus far carefully concealed by the liberal metal media outlets reporting on this:  Terrorizer’s publisher is trans.target=”_blank” rel=”nofollow external”
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BASED DESTROYER 666 BTFOS SOYBOY CALI VENUE

Watain and Destroyer 666 have moved their 3/16 show in California to a new venue after the cucked owner of the soy-filled DNA Lounge publicly menstruatedtarget=”_blank” rel=”nofollow external” over mean words said by Destroyer frontman K.K. Warslut last year.  After trying to kick the band off the bill, the tour’s promoter promptly fucked over the venue by moving the show to Social Hall on 1270 Sutter Street on just a few days’ notice.  Warslut proceeded to verbally emasculate the DNA lounge owners via the band’s Facebook page:target=”_blank” rel=”nofollow external”
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ANTIFA SHUTS DOWN TAAKE, THE HUMAN TROLL BAND

The emasculated remnants of America’s Antifa are at it again!  Now mostly regulated to a handful of stay-at-home activists, the boys at Antifa made enough calls to frighten a Manhattan art gallery into canceling a Taake show scheduled for next month.  While they likely believed Taake to be a weird performance artist after seeing pictures from that time Hoest’s host broke through his pants, the trust fund kids running (le) poisson rogue (not a typo, they’re apparently too cool for capital letters) were probably scared off by that time Taake wore a swastika in Germany.  Or perhaps someone just showed them those legendary dick pics.
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PCU‘s Dark Forecast

A few times every decade, a work of literature or film comes along that astonishingly predicts the future with unbelievable accuracy.  Back in 1994, we were given a dead-on glimpse of the social climate that we’re currently living in across modern western civilization through a seemingly harmless silly, good times college comedy, as it advertised itself to be. But instead, PCU showed us the world we would be inhabiting twenty years later.

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Sadistic Metal Reviews: Against Maoist Picks for 2017


Reviews by Linus Douglas.

Maoist metalcore fan Vince Neilstein has defecated upon the Internet once more by displaying the gaping asshole of his mind in an attempt to make mid-year “metal” recommendations in 2017. Like most of that Communist website’s picks, Neilstein is catering to a communist agenda on the one hand, and being a bitch to the monetary interests of the Guevarean movement of good-for-nothings by picking big label turds.

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SJWs Threaten Nocturnus Over Keyboardist’s Facebook Posts

Some punk scenester social justice twat named Alyssa Lorenzon lashed out at Mike Browning after comments the keyboardist of his Nocturnus AD revival of Nocturnus made on Facebook documenting his poor sexual success with sexually abused and bipolar women.

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