Swedish emo black ‘n’ roll pop punk band Shining has been kicked off a show in the fat hipster junkie haven of Portland, leaving the funderground’s communist media pussies and useless indie rock blogs abuzz about “alleged” acts of shock rock front man Kvarforth. Though not charged with a crime at this time, the self mutilating schizophrenic man kisser has been accused of “violent, racist, sexist, nazi behavior,” completing the full checklist of character assassinations attempted by the left on a daily basis. But apparently unbeknownst to all of these out of touch basement-dwelling butt rock journalists this is the exact GG-Allin LARPing Kvarforth has been doing at every single show and in every single interview for over two decades. Therefore, this mass collusion has accomplished nothing outside of promoting Shining and their upcoming tour dates.
Bangadesh continued the worldwide governmental war on mediocre speed metal by arranging to deport mediocre Brazilian speed metal band Krisiun for supposedly blaspheming against monotheism and Islam in the lyrics to their music. Krisiun were in the overwhelmingly Muslim third world country to play a sold-out festival. Bangladeshi metal fans should man up and listen to better metal bands now. Krisiun then confirmed that they were special snowflakes who believe in equality for all people, creeds, things, places, trees, and toilet paper brands regardless of their quality, proficiency, or absorbency:
Article contributed to Death Metal Underground by Cullen Toner.
Longtime MetalSucks editor and self-proclaimed snowflake Emperor Rhombus released a 1,256 word editorial professing his love for Nazi culture and aesthetics on the site’s apparently unregulated front page. The move was seen as an obvious reach to the NatSoc community as MetalSucks attempts to appease the young users of the glowingly popular 4chan image boards by creating articles to reflect the national socialist posts on /pol. The article was immediately praised by the legions of anti-Semites that frequent the site’s comment’s section as they proclaiming their support of the site’s newfound Nazi sympathy with comments like “Hitler did nothing wrong” and “(Emperor Rhombus) knows what is good for the goyim.”
Several founders of By Any Means Necessary, the communist antifascist groups censoring campus speakers and metal bands in Berkeley, have been discovered to support the North American Man/Boy Love Association (NAMBLA), a pro-pedophilia and pederasty criminal organization that works toward the legalization of child rape and exploitation in the United States.
Many of the pariahs seen infesting contemporary American black metal – communism, narcissism, an illusion of extremism – can be traced back to one man: Euroynmous of Mayhem.
Continue reading Euronymous: Black Metal’s First Hipster
In an age where the culture war has reached all corners of American life it is essential to understand the immense significance of the extreme metal frontier. As a liberal movement on the brink of extinction adapts a full blown communist agenda and wages totalitarian warfare against all beneficiaries of natural selection and individual freedom it is mandatory for the iron willed men and women of metal to defend the most liberated of all musical genres. By defeating these dystopian LARPers on the battlefield of metal culture we will accelerate their complete evisceration and ultimately emancipate the underground metal genre from it’s stagnant state. Therefore we must understand the enemy to swiftly and decisively destroy it.
Death Metal Underground finally has crowned a winner of our Real Sex with Social Justice Warriors Short Story Contest. GGALLIN1776’s morbid visions of bloody leftist degeneracy have been pounded into our staffs’ brains like a pistol butt cracking open a teenage thug’s skull:
German antifascist communists booted American metalcore band Woe from the lineups of some shows on their current tour due to Woe opening for Inquisition a few times. Woe are one of your standard, screamo random post-hardcore bands pretending to be “US Black Metal” when in reality they are still metalcore. Moreover, Woe being social justice warriors from Brooklyn, New York played several benefit shows for antifa in the US. Now Woe themselves are throwing a fit about leftist crybabies preventing them from playing shows on Facebook as the communist scum decided that since Woe do not march in gay pride parades, probably do not fuck the gaping open wounds of mutilated transvestites, and do not mind opening for bands that once sort of played a simplified form of black metal that Woe occasionally play on Spotify when wanting something heavier to relieve the stress of their service jobs, Woe must be shot with hollow point bullets in the back of the head.
Death Metal Underground has not run a contest in quite some time; since we found our slogan: “Sodomize the Weak” from Blood‘s O Agios Pethane. Our staff collectively feels it is time for another round. Social justice warriors, antifascists, and communists have been annoying the heavy metal world lately. We have decided to counter back with a short story contest.
Youtube vlogger Metal Blast pointed out the ridiculous of David Anthony’s preposterous claim that “Metal Has Unaddressed Nazi Problem” on hipster socialist realism media website The A.V. Club. Metal Blast notes that while Craig Pillard of Disma made anti-Semitic statements in the past himself, David Anthony preposterous slamming Disma and every other metal band he holds politically incorrect to the socialist creed as Nazis is just as preposterous as Tipper Gore’s Parents Music Resource Center in the 80s and Jack Thompson claiming that the violence of Doom and Grand Theft Auto in the 90s led to school shootings.