Sadistic Metal Reviews: Mellow Destruction of Inferior Semi-Technical Trivialities

These random, gimped releases are held in high regard by high-pitched “metal” critics and core pogo stickers. The Death Metal Underground staff takes it upon themselves to scorn and defile them in the name of all that is good in the metal genre.

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A.V. Club Editor David Anthony Posts Metal Hit List

Social justice warrior hipster scumbag David Anthony of communist multimedia shill website The A.V. Club (owned by The Onion) thinks that heavy metal has a Nazi problem. David Anthony is a bitchy, neurotic pinko throwing a fit that certain musicians who want to kill everyone as all humans are damn, dirty apes are not particularly fond of the concept of arbitrarily protected classes of people. The AV Club think that mildly successful and average death metal band Disma should be publicly hanged, drawn, and quartered in front of all of the proletariat as former Incantation frontman Craig Pillard released a National Socialist themed techno album over a decade ago. Nobody is spared from David Anthony’s hit list. Joining Pillard in the AV Club’s metal pogrom are Inquisition, AbsurdLemmy from Motorhead, Slayer (especially Tom Araya), Varg Vikernes, Deafheaven, Antichrist Kramer, Lord Mantis, and No Colours Records. Anthony also cited two quotes from Mayhem drummer Hellhammer‘s interview in Until the Light Takes Us as of course closet case David Anthony does not listen to black metal and only watched the movie. The only relatively unknown dirt he dug up was Lord Mantis fucking a transvestite but that was from a Vice interview he probably bookmarked due to the graphic description of a casual homosexual encounter.

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Southern Poverty Law Center Says Milk Is Racist

The Southern Poverty Law Center’s Hatewatch feed and Mic Media claim milk is “a new, creamy symbol of white racial purity in Donald Trump’s America”. Yes as a white man with orange skin is president, cow’s milk is racist even though European, African, Middle Eastern, and Indian populations are all lactose tolerant. Cheese and yogurt sauce anyone?

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Jairo Tormentor of Sepultura Interview Translated; Outs Abaddon from Venom

A interview with Jairo Tormentor who played lead guitar on Sepultura‘s legendary early, more blackened releases Bestial Devastation and Morbid Visions,was translated from Portuguese by a Reddit user named cantapaya and posted to the social justice warrior, autist, and Marxist infested dumpster. The two-part interview is incredibly extensive and entertaining.

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Leftists Ignore Scientific Research & Pander to the Mentally Ill

Johns Hopkins has recently started offering genital reassignment surgery to patients, commonly called transsexual or transgendered, with the body dysmorphia of deluding themselves the opposite gender from what they physically are. This change comes decades after the hospital discontinued the surgery to no positive psychological long term benefit to patients who underwent it, only dysfunctional genitalia and incontinence. This change is probably due to the leftist Humans Rights Council condemning the recent scientific report from two noted Hopkins physicians, Dr. Lawrence S.Mayer and Dr. Paul McHugh as, “An attack on LGBT communities.” Promulgators of sexual deviancy Human Rights Council also attacked the freedom of speech of Mayer and McHugh along with Johns Hopkins’ academic freedom, threatening that “its Healthcare Equality Index score will be reduced substantially” as “the HRC Foundation’s Healthcare Equality Index will rate hospitals with a numerical score and will consider whether hospitals and health systems’ practices reflect “’responsible citizenship’.”

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Bolzer – Hero Diehard Colored Vinyl

bolzer-semencopper-burst

Hipster alternative rock band Bolzer announced the various editions that their godawful debut album Hero will be available in on their Facebook page. The diehard LP version will exclusively be available in colored vinyl. Bolzer call the color “semen/copper burst“. Inspired by what ends up in Bolzer’s toilet when they forget to use an enema, Hero shares the same color as the mushy results of vigorous, unprotected anal sex.

Kevin Rucker Threatens to Surprise Brett Stevens “Like a Blind Date”

kevin-rucker-brett-stevens

Social justice warrior agitator and former Bestial Evil (USA) guitarist Kevin Rucker expressed desires to interview our very own Brett Stevens and “tryna come through and surprise this man like a blind date”.

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Mystifier: Black National Socialists & Cannibals

mystifier band

Brazilian black metal band Mystifier outed themselves as avowed socialists, black supremacists, and evolution deniers in an unpublished interview from 1999 posted years ago to the Nuclear War Now! forum by the interviewer Werwolf.

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Hate Mail (#5): Fornicating Freedom of Speech

Fornicator album cover

“666 YOLO SWAG 666” commented on Death Metal Underground’s coverage of the Highline bar in Seattle refusing to let Fornicator open for Profanatica:

I didn’t read the whole thing, just wanted to leave this here:

– The Highline is a bar located in the widely known “Gay Neighborhood” of Capital Hill in Seattle, WA.
– Gay Pride weekend was taking place during this show.
– Owning a bar (or any business) in this kind of a neighborhood is different.
– Sure there’s the whole “I GERT MAH FREEDOM ERV SPEECH”, but come on, with everything going on lately and the environment this neighborhood was trying to provide for this weekend, it only makes perfect sense for the management to make such a decision.

If the lazy piece of shit had bothered to read the article or the actual complaints, he would have realized that homosexuals weren’t the ones complaining. The whiners like “666 YOLO SWAG 666” were crusty, white heterosexual women who felt Fornicator’s incomprehensible lyrics threatened their communist worldviews. I highly doubt a death metal show would be appealing to the stereotypical gay pride festival marcher outside of the leather jackets. Actually, “666 YOLO SWAG 666” is the only person implying that Fornicator actually wanted to physically harm homosexuals like the closeted Islamic fundamentalist turned terrorist in Orlando. Continue pumping Drake “666 YOLO SWAG 666”.

Fornicator bitching

#MetalGate: Bestial Evil Reunite For All Three of Their Fans and Lovers

bestial evil's fans

Shawn Wright and what remains of Baltimore social justice warrior crustcore band Bestial Evil USA have apparently decided to reunite according to their Fuckbook page:

So after much thought on behalf of Myself, Nicky T and the Fans, WE have decided we are not done. We have put too much into this. All of you that wanna slander bring it! We return with an all new line-up! \m/ that’s right!!!!!

Bestial Evil have reunited for all three people who thought that Infectious Cross was a commendable work of antifascist, genderfluid propaganda. Only three as the redheaded furry on the right wandered in drunk from the Baltimore Comic-Con thinking the Sidebar was a Chuck E. Cheese. He was disappointed that even though Bestial Evil claim to be bisexual, no band member would put on the cowsuit and reem his rectum with the cryogenic feces. Now that token black “bi-sexual” (sic) guitarist Kevin Rucker‘s two foot long, “ritual fecal phalli” are gone, how will Bestial Evil possibly attract the coprophiliac crust punks yearning for authentic black shit out of a black-skinned man?